Beards, Bits, and Best Intentions Gone Bad

I’m sitting in a brown velour chair with no arms and a really tall back, flipping through the recipes in the latest Canadian Living Magazine. Those grilled sweet potato stacks on page 73 look amazing - yummy.

I’m at Total Diva Boutique Spa, owned by my longest-standing friend Drea, waiting to get my menopausal moustache and beard removed (which will be referred to as “meno-stache” and “meno-beard” respectively moving forward), because, frankly, I am not a fan of them. I also know someone who is incredibly skilled at unwanted hair removal, so why wouldn't I undergo this rare form of torture spa treatment?

Drea's partner Dave comes out to say hi and we're chatting about watercrafts and the perils of not knowing how to manage watercrafts when we’re on them.

Then Drea's son, my godson, comes over to say hello. Turns out his summer job is to help Dave with the massage and laser therapy side of the business - doing the laundry, room setup and clean up, taking payments, and issuing receipts. Very, very cool (HUGE thumbs up).

After a congratulatory fist bump and belated happy birthday wishes (he just turned 18!), my godson asks me "So, why are you here?"

It's a fair question. Why am I here? Well, I'm here to get my meno-stache and meno-beard removed, thank you peri-menopause. AND I don't want to tell him this because I am not comfortable sharing this with my 18-year-old godson who will likely also be uncomfortable. So, what do I say to spare us both this discomfort?

"I'm here so your mom can help me with my lady bits."

ten. billion. gazillion. times. worse.

O.M.G… did that really just come out of my mouth?!?

Yes. It totally did.

He responds "Oh, OK."

Dave says "We're going to go now."

I say "That's probably a good idea before I traumatize him even worse".

I look up to see the spa manager busting a gut laughing, and a big thumbs up from my regular hair stylist who has giggle-water streaming down her cheeks.

Have you ever tried to spare someone discomfort only to make it worse? Ugh. It's a thing, and it happens. (obviously)

It reminds me of something one of my teachers used to talk about, which I refer to as Intention and Impact. The idea is that the impact of an action is just as, if not more, important than the intention behind it. Her observation was that a lot of people thought about their intention, but not beyond that (for an example of this, please scroll back up to the beginning and read the story again). Then if the impact is poor, the response is often “but my intentions were good”.

You know the expression, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”? It’s referring to poor impact. Sometimes we stop short and do not think all the way through to the impact - the how we are working with our intention.

In this case, my intention was to spare us discomfort. It’s not a bad intention. I did, however, drop the ball on the impact piece. How I tried to work with my intention had the opposite result, we got to be very, very uncomfortable.

Now, if I had gone with, “I’m getting some waxing done”, the impact would have been very different. It's way less awkward. Sigh. Next time.

This was a great reminder that intention is not enough, and how we can miss the mark with our impact. I love how life provides us with ample opportunities for practice. The next time I see my godson, I will be apologizing. In the meantime, I am glad that it was not worse, a lot of people got a good laugh, and it’s a heck of a story to tell!

Until next time, may your impact match your intention.

with love,

m xo

aka meno-bearded-lady-bits